Reflecting

I have been posting a lot less than I intended due to homework and trip preparation, but wanted to get one in before I am offline for a week (although my niece is bringing her laptop with us, so I may be able to sneak on one day while we are gone.)

Hubby gave my scale back this morning (well, technically last night so I could weigh my suitcase, but I was good and didn't step on myself until this morning.) 182.5. Last time I was allowed to weigh myself, I was 179. Sooo...I am back to my maintained weight, the one I can't quite seem to say goodbye to. Which is ok. Not great, but better than weighing more than that. I haven't been putting the work in the last two weeks, and that shows, but I knew that and am accepting responsibility for it and moving forward. When I get back from Disney World, I am going to get back on track with the exercise schedule and food, and that is good. Rather than getting down on myself, I am just going to dedicate myself to doing better. That is a good step for me.

As I've been packing my bag for my trip, I've been thinking about where I am now that I wasn't a year ago. Looking at my clothes as I was rolling them up, I realized that almost all my shirts are mediums (the only large having come from the juniors section) and all my shorts and capris are size 14. That is a size that I never thought I would see again. And all of my stuff fit in one small suitcase, with room to spare. Because I have been losing weight in fits and starts over the last two years, and have been maintaining where I am for a while, I have lost that feeling you get when you look in the mirror and think "Wow, look how skinny I am getting!" I have gotten back into feeling like I am too heavy and lumpy blah blah blah. So it was good to have a chance to step back and look at the changes in myself and recognize again that I have come far. 38 pounds is not a small amount, and just because I am not tiny, that does not mean that I am not attractive. I think that is a good way to start out a vacation.