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Monday, May 10, 2010

Down

I have been absent the last couple of weeks, which I doubt anyone really noticed, but I have felt it. The first week I was in Disney World, having tons of fun and generally forgetting about reality for as long as possible. Upon my return, however, I found that the unhappy place that I was beginning to inhabit before I left was still here, waiting for me. The first few days I was back I thought it was just the jet lag, but as the days continued to pass by and I wasn't feeling any better emotionally, I knew that it was something more. The signs - constant fatigue, even after recently waking up, inability to make myself get up and get moving in any form of exercise, trying to fill the void with all manner of sweets, irritability with everyone around me, inability to focus, and a desire to cut off all outside relationships and not talk to anyone. The world feels like too much for me. I am somewhere between just being a little down and being depressed. And I don't have the will to pull myself out of it. Everything just seems so pointless, and while the voice in the back of my head is telling me to get back to eating healthy and working out, and to get dressed and pretty and get my homework done and get out of the house, I just can't seem to comply. Any suggestions?

5 comments:

  1. You are worth it- you need to realize you CAN do it. :) I hope things get better for you!! Sometimes it helps to talk to someone- like a therapist. I've gone before and found it very helpful! :) HUGS!

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  2. I would make an appointment with my doc. If he could refer you to a therapist all the better. It sounds like you might need some outside help from someone so that you can pin point what is going on with you. Do you have a good friend that can help you get started with that?

    Wishing you all the best and please seek out help as soon as you can (and I noticed you were not here for a while). ;)

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  3. It may help to see someone, like a therapist. In the mean time make mini health related goals for yourself. Meeting and exceeding goals has helped pull me out of a funk before.

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  4. aaaaahhhhh the therapist. I can't say yes or no. I saw one once. He said alot of things that the self help books said. But sometimes having someone to bounce ideas off of and recieve feedback from, well it can help clear out the clutter.
    I noticed morgan, that you were gone.
    I also noticed that you said at one point that you didn't want to use your difficulties in the past as an excuse, and that you wanted to put it behind you.
    I used to try to do this too.
    But then it would creep back up on me.
    Locking yourself in your house for weeks on end can seem like bliss when people get overwhelming (kind of like this comment)...
    But in the end it just kind of leads to a spiral.
    I don't know if you have anyone you can be honest with....who you can just shoot straight shit with...but you need to dig in here and figure out the source of your anger.
    Depression is anger turned inward on yourself.
    You are angry...at what?
    Hugs.
    I will stop being a nelly know it all now.
    I have been where you are.
    I hope you can find someone to shoot straight with...
    hugs.

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  5. Here is what I do even when I'm 'mildly' clinical:
    Out of the house every day.
    Shower every day and change clothes.

    Sounds gross I know, but little things like that really do make a difference. THanks for the encouragement. I think I too am a bit more than jetlagged!

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