Independence (from the scale at least)

As I was laying in bed this morning, feeling a little sick from so much time in the sun this week, I had a great idea for a blog post. It was insightful and interesting and thoughtful and just all around good. Couldn't blog this morning as I had to singlehandedly get all four kids ready for church - in the midst of which I had to go save my Hubby who had run out of gas on his way to work. So I have finally sat down to blog, and the idea is GONE. No idea of the general idea I was following or anything - just vague traces of the feeling that it was going to be wonderful. Now I am sitting here wondering if it was like those ideas you get when you are drunk - you know, the ones that seem SO smart and amazing and change-the-world, but that you just can't quite remember the next day and actually were completely idiotic and made no sense to begin with! Sigh.

Well, as long as I am here I suppose that I could check in with my progress. Geez. It seems so lackluster and the complete opposite of changing-the-world, that I almost wonder what the point is. Well, I just completed week 3 of my new plan and I have to say that it is going swimmingly. The first two weeks were gangbusters - I found that abstaining from things wasn't too hard and when I had those things on my allotted time I didn't feel guilty. It has felt so good to stay on track with it. I finally got to weigh myself, and I was 181. That is about 2 pounds less than usual, which is great. Afterwards, Hubby asked if I had weighed myself yet (which I could tell he was asking so that he could re-hide the scale.)

We had a disagreement discussion about his taking my scale away again, and I talked him into letting me have it once every two weeks to weigh in. Well, he agreed to it but wasn't happy, and so he left it out instead as though to let me know that he was saying "forget it, you can keep it then if you want it" (in a snotty tone, not a nice one.) After two days of having it, I was begging him to take it back and not give it to me again for a long while - I could actually see in those two days what constant access to the freaking ridiculous, unreliable, unnecessary number was doing to me. I was bargaining with myself over whether or not to work out, what I could eat, etc, all based on the number that was popping up. Not to mention that seeing it go even marginally up was making me crazy. Week 3 was not nearly so much under my control as the other two weeks, and I blame it mainly on my access to my scale. I tell you, it was a huge break through for me.

So now I am on a no-scale diet, at least for a few weeks. Who was I kidding? I can tell whether I am doing things right, and whether my body is changing, without that stupid number. And I am proudly back to living with the rules I set for myself so that I can get myself happy and under control. Yay me.

This week I am going to go check out this small workout place about 2 miles from my house called Anytime Fitness. They are offering a free summer deal when you sign up, meaning no dues until September. I think it may be the shot in the arm that my workouts need.

Oh, and for those of you who were wondering if my eldest daughter succeeded in getting me to work out a couple of weeks ago - she did. There was no way I could not work out when she was being so positive and happy and really trying to help me. I can turn down flat someone who is trying to push me into it by guilt, or by aggressive behavior, but how could I disappoint someone who was trying to succeed at doing what I had asked her? She is a very powerful weapon that someone could use against me - I hope she doesn't fall into the wrong hands.