Sugar, we need to talk. We both know that you're no good for me. You taste all sweet and delicious at first, and you offer a spike of energy and happiness, but then a short while later you let me down. With a crash. I know we've had a long run together, and it'll be hard to say goodbye. But we both knew this day was coming. Sure, I am going to miss you, and it will be a bit awkward when we see each other across the room at birthday parties and the like. And we could make this breakup slow and painful, drawing it out. But I'd rather leave things the way they are now - before we both say things we don't mean and I end up really hating you. Maybe, someday down the road, we can be friends, meeting up for the occasional desert or cup of tea. But for now, I need to ask you to pack your things and leave the house. Take your leftover Christmas candy, the cupcakes we made on Sunday, and the root beer and ice cream that my mother-in-law left here when she brought dessert the other night. Please don't text, don't call, don't leave sweet treats at my door. I just need my space. It's not you - it's me. Ok, it's partially you. But we can't go on living this way. This house isn't big enough for the two of us. Especially if I keep eating you.
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