Yesterday I finally hit the street for my run. I went into it knowing that it would be different, and harder in a lot of ways, than running on the treadmill. But it wasn't until I started that I knew what kinds of different and difficult it would be. I mapped out a straight shot through town (I live in a place that isn't actually classified as a town because it is so small, and I went down the road to the next place over, which is still small.) I knew where 1.6 miles from where I started was, so that I would know when to turn around and head back. It was relatively flat, or so I thought. So I parked my car and started my run.
The first few minutes were really, really awkward. I had a really hard time getting a steady pace going, and it was just a different stride on the pavement. I finally got into a groove, had my breathing somewhat even, and was just going. Only to find out pretty soon that my initial pace? Was TOO fast. So that by the time I had gone about a mile, I knew I wasn't going to make it that way. So I slowed down a bit and kept on going. I made it through the halfway/turn back point without stopping, but it wasn't pleasant and it took a LOT of internal dialogging about how I was not going to give up before I had even gone halfway. As I was headed back towards town, though, with my legs aching and my breathing coming in somewhat jagged inhales, I had to take a minute to walk and regroup. It wasn't far - not more than ten steps or so, before I was running again, despite the fact that my body was angry about it.
Turns out that headed back into town is at a slight incline. Not so noticeable in a car, but on my feet? Crap. But I kept going, kept pushing, for a while, until I had to walk for another minute or so. Lame. But once again I only allowed myself a minute before I was running again. With all intentions of not stopping anymore. And that jived for a while, as painful and difficult as the running was becoming. My abs were amazingly sore from workout class the day before, and I had to keep telling myself that I was not going to be sick, that the soreness was no big deal, and to focus on something else. Oh, and I had to pee. Mostly the whole time. Did you know that bouncing up and down for miles is not easy on a full bladder? Whodda think?
Anyhow, I was nearing the actual main thoroughfare of town when suddenly I was walking again - like I hadn't even been thinking about doing it but all of a sudden my legs. Just. Stopped. And I muttered a bad word under my breath at my body's mutiny. But I once again gave it about a half minute before I picked up the pace again. At that point I could see the stoplight that marked the end of my run, and I told myself that under no circumstances was I going to stop and walk again before I got to it. And I didn't.
All in all I probably walked less than an eighth of a mile, but it felt like so much more. I was so angry that I had to walk at all. That wonderful feeling I had from running the distance on the treadmill on Tuesday? Gone. Like a puff of smoke. All I felt was failure, disappointment, and frustration. It was not a good morning. Luckily I came home to breakfast and a day with my hubby and kids.
Today I was back in the gym for cardio and weights, and while I did the workout and put all the effort into it that I usually do, I just wasn't feeling it. I came home and told Hubby that I am out of the zone. The weight-loss, exercise, motivation zone. I gained weight last week, so far this week isn't looking much better, I am sore and feel beaten up all the time, and I am tired. I am officially in a funk. And believe me, I am funk-y. And not the good kind. No visits to Funky Town here. Maybe Funk-y Town. And it isn't nearly as fun or crazy.
So what do I do to start feeling it again? If you have made it this far in this page of blah and negativity, do you have any advice for me?
Sometimes you just have to push through the negative times and focus on the positives. You can't let one bad run ruin all of the good runs that you have done. You can't let one gain ruin all of the pounds that you have lost. You just need to wipe the slate clean and start over again. Rededicate yourself. It doesn't do anyone any good to kick themselves over past actions. I believe in you :)
ReplyDeleteFor the future, running on the incline with a 1.0-2.0 incline will prepare you for outside runs better :)