My Little Motivator (or Workout Nazi)

Seeing as how it is Friday, I figured I had better check in. Where has the week gone? Well, at the week's end, I find myself house and dog sitting for my dad by myself with my four kids about 40 minutes from our own home. We came up here yesterday afternoon, and then had to go back down the hill today for an activity, and now are back at his house until early Sunday morning. I missed my workout Wednesday and yesterday, and this morning wasn't able to squeeze it in, so I told my 10 (almost 11) year old daughter that she was responsible for motivating me to do the Shred this evening when we got back. On the way back here this afternoon, she looks at me and says in a bright and cheery voice, "Guess who's going to workout when we get to Pa's?" I looked at her and said "You?" She wasn't buying it. So we discussed when I would be working out. I told her I had to feed the dogs first and get dinner started. She conceded that maybe I could work out while dinner was cooking (she also decided to do it with me.)

By the time I got the four large dogs squared away, and was starting dinner, I told her I was going to have to eat first, because I was butting right up against my 7:30 deadline for eating. She said ok, but we would do it after dinner. As I was cooking, I was telling her that I really don't want to do the workout, and she informed me that she would not let me rest until I do it. So as she was taking her insulin shot right after we ate, as I am flipping through the channels and saying that there is nothing on TV, she says "Well then, we can put on Jillian" in the sweetest voice she can manage. So I get up to put the dishes in the dishwasher, and she brings the DVD into the kitchen and puts it in front of my face. I told her that I just needed a bit of time for dinner to settle, and then we will do it. Man, she is persistent.

I think that she could definitely have a career as a personal trainer. Not in the future, mind you, but now. I think I'll take her to a few gyms in the morning and see if they are hiring.

An Inspirational Quote

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Infected again

So, remember my sinus infection with the awesome antibiotics? I took them for the ten days until they were all gone. Now, a week and a half later, I am coughing like mad and some nasty stuff is coming out - and it turns out I have an infection in my chest. More antibiotics. Good times. Doesn't my body realize it is summer now, and things are supposed to be all sunshine and happiness and HEALTH??? However, this is not deterring me from my plan. I worked out 5 days last week (although admittedly some of those days were stronger than others) and kept my sweets to one Sunday and then one other day of the week (which in this case was Saturday - coconut cake, I love you...) and has NO soda, even though my plan allowed for some one day of the week. I feel really good to say that not only did I not have any, but I didn't even really want any. Hooray!

I began a new week yesterday, and had my allowed Sunday dessert, and then got up this morning and walked/ran (with Hubby, who conveniently got some new workout-type clothing for Father's Day - is that bribery???) hacking all the way. But despite spitting huge chunks of crap out every few minutes, I ran the typical 1/2 mile portion of my walk. I refused to stop and walk early just because my body is betraying me. Hubby had to stop before I did. I was pretty proud.

Tonight my dad has my boys, so I took the girls to get dinner at Hubby's restaurant (where I have been given carte blanche to come in and eat with my kids by the boss since Hubby is working so so much for not enough money) and afterwards I took them to frozen yogurt, which I did indulge in. We will see how my week goes since I already spent my sugar day, but I think it will be fine.

I am really wishing I could check out a scale - I am especially curious since weighing in at the doctors at 5 tonight and seeing a surprising number - unfortunately I think the scale felt bad for me since I am still sick and threw up a lesser number than my home scale will (it is brutally honest I believe,  and maybe a little cranky, but anyone would be if they had to have me standing on them, naked - though perhaps Hubby would disagree ;) ) At any rate, I am planning to really bust it out this week since I do get to weigh in next Sunday.

That's it from this corner - how are the rest of you doing???

No thanks, I'll stand

Today I was so sore from doing the Shred yesterday that I was hobbling around the house all morning. I took 4 Advil. A half hour later, instead of walking like someone who needed hip replacement, I resembled someone who had crippling arthritis. Seriously, sitting to go to the bathroom is not supposed to hurt. Every time I had to go I cursed myself for drinking so much water. While I could not bring myself to put the dvd in the player (literally - our dvd player is underneath our tv, and I couldn't get that low,) I do see this pain as a reminder that the workout is quite effective, and I plan to do it again tomorrow. Though I didn't do the Shred, I did two hours of yardwork that had me sweating, and I am counting that as my workout today.

Small NSV for the day - since they are the only kind I can have right now as my scale is still being held hostage - my husband came home from work and asked me if I am losing weight (to which I of course responded "I wouldn't know, since someone took away my scale.") He ignored me (the only appropriate response) and said that I look like I am getting thinner. It was nice to hear.  

I have not, as yet, used my free day for soda or sweets, and am not feeling the cravings too badly (except for that moment in the kitchen where I almost licked a cookie - that doesn't count right?) 

Shredded

I have been wanting to get back into the 30 Day Shred for a while now. Well, perhaps wanting is too strong a word. How about feeling like I should? You see, the first time I did it a few months ago, it was pretty awful. It was hard, and it was painful, and it confirmed my feeling that Jillian Michaels is a sadist. BUT I LOVED the way it changed my body, and each time I managed to complete a day, the feeling of pride in myself was blissful. I have been trying to keep that in mind the last week and a half as I have been attempting to talk myself into putting the DVD in and starting up again. It hasn't been working. My body and mind remember how awful it was the first time around. How I got my trash kicked every morning. You know how between having children, your body actually is made to forget that pain so that you will continue to propagate the species? Yeah, that doesn't apply to work outs. 

Well, this morning I headed out for my usual walk/run, but at an unusual later time due to my being in a Benadryl coma last night. As I rounded the corner of the elementary school across the street, in front of me I saw a group of moms walking my same country route. Now, I really dislike walking for miles behind other people, and if I had somehow managed to overtake them, I wouldn't have been more than a few yards in front, and I really don't like spending my walk like that either. Sounds strange, I know. But my dislike of spending my exercise time in that kind of mental discomfort did what nothing else could - it got me back in my house and The Shred in the DVD player. That's right - I made my (less-than) triumphant return to The Shred. And it was hard. And I couldn't always breathe that well. And things hurt. But I did it, and I like to think that it wasn't as bad as it was when I started it the first time around. And when I finished, I found a little bit of that pride in myself again. Totally worth it. 

Happy thoughts

So this morning I was thinking about blogging about some crappy things about life right now, when I remembered that I am supposed to be practicing positivity, and that listing those negative things would definitely be in violation of that ordinance. So instead, I tried to reflect on some of the positives in my day (after a prayer and a few tears, anyway):

1. Today the sun was shining and it is finally heating up like California should in the summertime.
2. My kids had their cousin over to play, which kept them busy ALL day, with NO whining and minimal talking to me.
3. I had no sweets again today, met my water requirement, and did not eat after 7:30 (even though it meant shoving that last bit of dinner in my mouth at 7:29 since it was a late dinner night.)
4. I washed, folded, and put away 4 loads of laundry (wouldn't usually count that as a positive, but hey, my kids have clean clothes!)
5. I got to spend some time with some women at church tonight visiting and planting herbs, which I love!

Five things, not too bad! And #3 encompassed 3 different things, so actually it is 6! Day 3 of the new plan done, and I am feeling good so far. 

Dedicated to the One I Love

It has clearly been time for a while for me to get back to eating right and working out regularly. While I still have junk hanging around in my chest from my sinus infection, I am feeling much much better and can no longer use the excuse for not getting my butt out and doing something. I told Hubby the other day that I was considering counting calories. He thought for a moment, and then asked me why. My response was, of course, "To lose weight." (duh) He thought again, and basically what he told me was that he really wanted me to consider it first, because he knows I have a lot going on right now with life and stress and sometimes I am barely holding it together, and with my personality, throwing something in there that involves counting every single calorie that goes into my body could very likely push me over the edge. He offered to sit down with me and consider alternatives that I could use. So we did just that, and came up with a starter plan that I can definitely stick with and that will start getting me to where I want to be. His caveat, though, was that I be accountable to you guys. He is working crazy amounts of hours right now, never gets off when his shift supposedly ends, and when he is home is too tired to do much of anything, all of which means that he isn't really available right now for me to be accountable to. So he has instructed me to let you all know what I am doing, and to update you all the time so that you can get on me if I am not doing what I said I would. Are you up to the task??? It can be fun to yell at me, I promise - at least I know some other people who think so.

Ok, so my ultimate goal is to be a size 12 by the end of the summer (now first question for you all - how do I mark the end of summer? The kidlets go back August 19, fall officially starts September 22...I'm not really sure when to say the end of summer is!) I am a size 14 now, more or less (I was a solid 14 about 5 weeks ago before I let all my toning go.) I am also going to take some measurements so that I can mark my progress with something besides weight, given that I am not weighing in every week per Hubby hiding the scale. Which brings me to question #2 - do any of you have good info on how to go about measuring myself - it seems like I always measure in different places, which is not accurate, obviously.

So here is the plan:

My week begins on Sunday and the last day of the week will be Saturday.

I will not eat after 7:30 p.m. more than one day a week. (that caveat is only in there because Sunday is family dinner, and my mother-in-law cooks, which I have no control over, and she tends to cook later than I do. If she cooks any other night of the week and it is going to be late, I will find something to eat on my own instead.) 

I will workout 5 days a week. I plan to concentrate on walking and The 30 Day Shred, and I am trying out my friend's Wii Fit.

I will drink at least 5 of my plastic cups of water each day. (I have disposable cups which I have marked with a Sharpie to indicate how much is 16 oz of water - four of those cups is equal to 64 oz, so I will have at least 5. I mark each one I drink on the cup with the Sharpie - it may sound hokey, but it is the only way that I can track and make sure I am drinking enough, otherwise I just don't.)

I will allow myself one day a week to have a soda. (But I am striving not to have it every week - it is more of something I want on those times that I eat out at certain places, which doesn't happen very often. I know soda is the devil and I am trying to kick the habit, I swear. I'm just not quite ready to go cold turkey.)

I will allow myself to have sweets on Sundays (within reason) and on one other day of my choosing for special occassions. (Again, I won't have them on the extra day every week, but if something really special comes up, I want to be able to have a bit without feeling awful about it.)

I will finish reading "In Defense of Food" which is really changing the way I look at food.

This may not seem like much to some of you, but for me it is exactly the guide I need. My problem is not so much in what I am eating in my regular meals, but more the sweets I eat when I get stressed or bored, and the soda I turn to when I am feeling run down and tired. So there you go - I will be checking in regularly to let you know what I am doing and how it is going. I already walked/ran this morning, and have had two of my cups of water, so I am off to a good start. I really appreciate your help in this endeavor!

Also, in keeping with Mary's Operation Sexification, I bought a super cute and sexy pair of shoes a couple of weeks ago:

I LOVE them. They go really well with two new dresses I got for church. My next plan is to wear them with a cute pair of dark denim capris and a nice shirt and strut my stuff somewhere.

Project Positivity

Okay everyone. Who here has had enough of Debbie Downer (also known as me, at least for the last few weeks)? I sure have. I know I've been sick, and unable to work out, and reasonably upset about my living situation, and blah blah blah...but the time has come to move on. You know what? Being depressed all the time takes a lot of energy! And you are already sapped of energy, and feeling like crud, and so it becomes a self-feeding monster. Well, I am cutting off this gravy train.

It is time for me to pull myself up by my bootstraps and do what I can to make my life the best it can be in my current situation. The best way for me to do this, I think, is to curb all negative thinking and replace it with positive thinking. Therefore, I will be replacing any negative thoughts or statements I make with positive ones, out loud, in a very firm voice (this way I know I mean business.) This may not sound hard to some of you (*cough* TJ, queen of positivity,) but I kid you not when I say that 8 out of 10 of my thoughts are negative, either about myself, my life, or the world at large. That has to be taking a toll on me, my happiness, and my ability to change (not to mention what it does to my hubby and the example it is setting for my kidlets.)

You all have to keep me in check - it is going to take me some time to overcome it I'm sure.

So, in this new vein, let me tell you about my morning walk. The sun was shining, it was just the right temperature, and I stepped out of my house before any members of my family were awake. I started my music and just walked, not worrying about how my pace has slowed since I've been on hiatus, just doing as much as I could. I walk in the rural area where I live, where there are no sidewalks and little traffic in the morning, and the two mile loop from my house has plenty of hills. A little over halfway through, I started a jog on a downhill stretch, and was surprised to find that I was able to keep my breathing pretty even and just enjoy the feeling of moving. Rather than the heart pounding, heaving chest, feeling like I am going to puke that I normally experience when I start jogging up hill, I felt in control and just focused as I jogged up a couple of minor slopes. In the end, I jogged a half-mile, and I felt great about it. I walked just long enough to catch my breath (which at that point was labored) and then I ran about a quarter mile back to my house. I finished my 2 mile walk four minutes faster than normal, and I felt great. Then I came home and got the kidlets up and started the day. It was a great beginning.

How's that for positivity?

The Land of the Living

After going to the doctor on Tuesday night, and being officially diagnosed with a sinus infection and given a prescription, I am finally starting to feel a little better. He put me on Augmentin, which sounds a lot like augmentation to me, and if I end up with bigger breasts after this, then great! However, I'm not quite sure how that is supposed to help my sinus infection. But I digress...

Since I am feeling marginally better, I am got my butt out of the house this morning for a three mile walk. It was discouraging to feel the difference now that I haven't been working out, and to know that what would have been somewhat mild for me before had me breathing hard. I have really missed being able to workout, and have noticed that my self-esteem is tanking. I look at myself and all I see is a blob who hasn't done anything in weeks and is turning to mush. I've spent most days with no makeup and my hair in a ponytail, and in general I just feel hideous. It is really good to see the link between how I feel about myself and my working out, because it gives me extra incentive to get back into it. In the meantime, however, I am left struggling against this overall feeling of ugliness.

In other news, I have joined on with the 101 Days of Summer over at Biggest Diabetic Loser - if you haven't checked out Beth's blog do it now. Really, right now, go! I will wait...She's pretty cool, huh? So yeah, I have made a few goals for 101 days, which is perfect for trying to get back into the swing of things.

Alright, well, I have a list of three things I need to accomplish today, and times a wastin', so I will leave it at this and see you all later.

Green snot

After feeling like crap all last week and barely being able to get out of bed, I am feeling better this week, but I believe that I have now developed a sinus infection. Greeeaaat. My hubby tells me that I can wait it out and it will go away, but I am not a patient person and am tired of feeling run down and not being able to breathe through my nose, plus now under my eye all the way through my top teeth hurts. So I am going to the after-hours clinic tonight (with all 4 kids - should be an adventure) to get it checked out. I was really hesitant to go to the doctor myself due to the fact that his medical assistant is a guy I went to high school with who a) used to think he was a vampire b) has always been way too handsy and c) is creepy and overly friendly. It is my lucky week since my doctor is out of town, hence the after-hours clinic.

So onto my question for the rest of you: do you still work out when you are feeling like junk? I got up this morning to go for my much-needed walk, but the not breathing and headaching got to me and I didn't go. Should I just push through it - will the workout make me feel better? Or is it better to rest and get better first?