Tears of sorrow, worry, and then joy

I spent a good chunk of the afternoon researching hotels for my trip to Anaheim for my half-marathon. I am looking for the best price I can get on a cheap, but clean, hotel, for my husband and I to stay for two nights. I looked at so many different websites and hotels and prices that my head felt like it was going to explode. I also took the time to price things out, which made me cry a little. Seriously.

You see, we are just scraping by right now. When I signed up for the race, times were better, but things have been hard the last couple months. And I have been avoiding totaling up what the trip will cost because I knew it was going to be a strain trying to come up with the money, and I didn't want to be stressed about it any more than I had to. I am already a stress case all the time without adding that. So when I saw the total, which was without calculating food, I choked down a sob. Because we have some money set aside for this, but not enough. And I am not sure how to get enough to make it work. I am doing things the cheapest way possible, and my husband's promotion and raise should (fingers crossed) kick in by then, but there are just so many things up in the air that I don't know how it will all come together. I have put so much time and effort into preparing for this race, my first half-marathon, and I am just worried that I won't be able to get the money together.

Then I received my first email about the race, with a link to the event program. It is about 20 pages long, and tells you everything you need to know about the weekend, complete with pictures and maps. And once again I found myself choking back tears, but ones of joy this time. It hit me what I am going to do, what I am going to accomplish, after I have put in all the work. I will be doing something I never thought I could do in one of my favorite places in the world. Even if I have to sleep in my car for two nights, (which at this point is a very real possibility for me,) I have to be there. Because I started this, and I am going to finish it and prove to myself that I can do hard things. I am going to show myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. I am going to prove myself to me.