Friday, December 3, 2010

waiting game

today i am sitting in the surgery waiting room at the hospital, trying not to imagine my daughter laying on a table down the hallway with an incision down the length of her back, her spine being disassembled and, eventually, reassembled with some new hardware. we are about halfway done with the surgery itself, and the nurse calls me every hour to let me know that things are still going well. i've been up since 4, at the hospital since 5:45. that siren song of the pepsi is calling to me, a sound that only i can hear and it is up to me to either avoid or succumb to. we are surrounded by family, all of us chatting and joking and just trying to pass the time and not fixate. 

keeping healthy eating in tact in situations like this is, for me, a bit difficult. what i want is comfort and warmth. and what i had for breakfast was a half of a beef brisket sandwich with a barbecue/horseradish sauce, cheese, tomatoes, onions, and jalepenos on the most perfect ciabatta roll imaginable. don't judge me - if you could have smelled the meat, which the local deli we found only makes once a week, you would have ordered it too. in a heartbeat. 

yesterday, before an early morning round of pre-op and xrays, i got myself out of bed and to the gym, cramming in a half hour of cardio rather than missing it altogether, and also left with a to-go bag from my trainer with resistance bands, a ball, and some workout instructions so that i can do something while i am here for the next five days. there are seven flights of stairs here, which i will be climbing intermittently as well. just because my world has gotten a little shaky doesn't mean that i am going to let myself slip away from the habits i have spent so much time forming over the last 10 weeks. plus i am hoping the working out will help me manage the stress.

so things will either be really quiet or really loud here over the weekend, depending on how exhausted/crazy/emotional i am.


  1. I'm keeping you, your daughter, and your family in my prayers. *hugs*

  2. oh, I would be a mess and probably eating french bread out the wazoo (carbs=comfort for me) Praying for your daughter. Hang in there.

  3. Good job! I notice too that this happens with me. I try hard to maintain all the balls in levitation, but it depends which is most important to me to keep up, or which is having the hardest time.

    If I'm trying not to go awol with anxiety, I will deliberately let the exercise go until I've had some sleep and I have to fight sugar like it's a bulldog on my neck. I usually fail at that because I'm trying so hard not to be a shrew of epic proportions.

    If I'm fighting of lethargy/depression, then I force myself to exercise and try again to stay away from the sugar to avoid the crash this time.

    I hope that things are quiet because they are going WELL.

    I'm praying for you.

    p.s. I'll email you tomorrow. xo

  4. Your daughter and family will be in my prayers!
    Those stairs can be a great was to keep the stress down a bit.
    (I did the same when I spent quite a bit of time at the hospital for my mom)