Several thoughts have been incubating in my head the last few days while my blog has been quiet, and I have been trying to flesh them out so that I can pseudo-successfully share them here. And yet every time I sit to do it, to hit the keys and type something out, I draw a blank. The thoughts flow freely while I am far from my keyboard, but somehow here, I get a kind of computer-induced mental block. So I am just going to dive into one of the thoughts and see how it goes.
So many of the weight-loss blogs I read encourage deep, introspective looks into why I eat and why I ever allowed myself to gain so much weight. So many people have these tragic backgrounds, or at the very least obvious happenings which contributed to their eating and/or weight gain, and to their inability to successfully lose weight and keep it off. I was mulling this over myself, trying to figure out when was that key pivotal moment in my life that triggered the last 10 1/2 years of struggle with myself. And here is what I kept coming back to: Yes, I have had some very rocky, pretty awful times in my life. I can point to them and share my sob stories as well as anyone else, and I bet that a lot of people would feel badly for me and lend their support and it would be a love-fest. However, I don't feel completely comfortable with blaming my weight on the hard times in life. I feel like doing that, for me, would be like saying it wasn't my fault. It would feel like I wasn't taking responsibility for what I have let happen to myself.
I do suppose, though, that those of you who have been able to really look back into your past and find out how what happened to you caused you to start eating and not stop have maybe been able to figure out why it affected you in that way, and why you reacted by eating. I haven't been able to figure that out yet. I know when I gained the weight, and I know why I was feeding my face, but I don't know why I have never been able to stop. And all of the reliving of those painful times in my life hasn't made it any more clear. So I am not sure what to do about that.
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