Monday, January 17, 2011


I have spent countless hours sitting in front of this computer, fingers poised over the keyboard, just trying to write something here so that my already small group of readers doesn't become smaller. But anything that my fingers clickety-clacked out seemed forced, or trite, or boring. I just couldn't do it. My head would fog over, I would stare into space, and nothing would get posted. 

This is actually how the rest of my life has been going as of late too. I know there are things that need to be done. Piles of laundry, stacks of dishes. Time to spend with kidlets. But it all seems so overwhelming right now that I can't even get started. 

My workouts have been kind of a crapshoot. Two or three days of making it count, then three or four of not. The gnawing knowledge that this isn't going to cut it, that I can do better, nipping at me through the fog. Sometimes it is like my mind is working, but can't get my body to comply. 

I am sure that my iron is low, that I am not getting enough sleep, that I feel run down and lonely too. The days here in Northern California are grey and cold. Maybe it is the winter blues? I don't know, but I feel like a piece of driftwood caught in a slow tide, ebbing just off the shore, not quite able to make it to the sand and stability of the beach, but watching it as it comes in and out of focus all day. I need something to grab onto to pull myself out of this place, or helping hands to get me up. But instead I am floating. 


  1. I know this feeling well. I struggle with it, especially during the wintertime. I have to force myself into actively participating in life, otherwise I will just float along in a fog for days. I sort of have to indulge in a little fake it till I make it philosophy. I hope this feeling passes soon!

  2. Keep swimming. Rest when you need to. Take care of yourself. If you need to rest. REST. If you need to force yourself to exercise, run. If you're needing to eat, then set an alarm.

    Find tiny ways to help yourself. You're worth it.


  3. hey maybe do something really fun with the kids. Get out of the house and do something you really enjoy. sounds like depression/boredom. Hope things uptick soon.

  4. I often feel that way and the hardest part is feeling like it's never going to end. It will end, you need to remind yourself of that. And in the meantime, do just what you said, hold onto something that doesn't make you feel that way and do it often. (I have a couple no-fail feeling better tricks: playing guitar and watching Miss Congeniality. Sometimes I forget about them so maybe you just need to remind yourself of something that makes you feel at peace and happy.)

  5. This time of year when the skies are overcast and its cold, I have to really push myself to be motivated - spring, summer and fall I have no problem - but winter is hard for me too!

    I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE to you - I could have sworn I mailed your winning package a couple weeks ago, I am off work today and doing some cleaning, and your box got put in my basement by mistake when Hannah was doing her clean sweep. I am so sorry!

    Can you email me your address again at - I promise its in the mail tomorrow!


  6. Winter Blues are the worst. Hope you're back to your old self soon!