Flotsam

I have spent countless hours sitting in front of this computer, fingers poised over the keyboard, just trying to write something here so that my already small group of readers doesn't become smaller. But anything that my fingers clickety-clacked out seemed forced, or trite, or boring. I just couldn't do it. My head would fog over, I would stare into space, and nothing would get posted. 

This is actually how the rest of my life has been going as of late too. I know there are things that need to be done. Piles of laundry, stacks of dishes. Time to spend with kidlets. But it all seems so overwhelming right now that I can't even get started. 

My workouts have been kind of a crapshoot. Two or three days of making it count, then three or four of not. The gnawing knowledge that this isn't going to cut it, that I can do better, nipping at me through the fog. Sometimes it is like my mind is working, but can't get my body to comply. 

I am sure that my iron is low, that I am not getting enough sleep, that I feel run down and lonely too. The days here in Northern California are grey and cold. Maybe it is the winter blues? I don't know, but I feel like a piece of driftwood caught in a slow tide, ebbing just off the shore, not quite able to make it to the sand and stability of the beach, but watching it as it comes in and out of focus all day. I need something to grab onto to pull myself out of this place, or helping hands to get me up. But instead I am floating.