Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Incredible Vanishing Blogger

Ahem. I do not even know where to start this post. After having been AWOL for over a month, I feel awkward stepping back in here like I was never gone. Part of me feels like I should have some excuse or story to share about why I've been gone, about how I've fallen off the wagon and gained 15 pounds, or about how I was abducted by Gypsies and have embarked on an illustrious career as one of their dancers. 

Another part of me feels like maybe I shouldn't be working my way back into this at all, but should instead just let it go. Because coming back to the blogging has mirrored that struggle we have all faced with getting back onto the health kick after a couple of weeks of binging on cream puffs and Cheetos. As more and more weeks have passed, I've thought, "It is just too hard to jump in again. It will take too much effort to reestablish myself and really get into it again. I don't really mind this sequestered life that I am leading." 

And the funny thing is, I haven't been binging, or laying around on the couch, or dancing with the gypsies. I've been hitting the gym five days a week, and recently began a weight-loss challenge with some members of my family. I am doing well in this arena. It is the rest of my life that has felt as though it is coming apart at the seams. You know that scene in "The Nightmare Before Christmas" where Jack pulls the thread and Oogie Boogie falls apart? I have felt that thread coming loose, and have just been waiting for the one tug on it to send my inner bugs scattering, leaving me deflated on the ground. 

But somehow I am still all in one piece, and still dragging myself through life, the only time I actually feel productive and useful being that hour to hour-and-a-half in the gym each morning. Maybe I can take that small victory and stretch it until some more aspects of my life are protected under its cover. I am thinking that this blog should be one of the tent poles. Maybe some of you can help me drive in that first stake.