A 45 minute strength class this morning left my legs shaky and my butt sore all day long. But when my hubby came home from work and asked if I wanted to go for a run with him, I couldn't pass up the chance to spend a little time with him before he left the house again for his night class. Just over 2 miles later, we are back home, and I feel grateful to him for taking me out.

Half-Marathon Woes

On Saturday, I had the opportunity to go and help break down a booth for Sparkle Skirts at the Tinkerbell Half-Marathon expo. I wasn't running the race as I hadn't been able to get the money together register in time last fall. But being able to be involved in any way was better than nothing. I really enjoyed helping out, and Leah, the owner of Sparkle Skirts, was so sweet. I am really hoping to be able to help out again for the Disneyland Half-Marathon in September. In exchange for my help, I got to pick out this skirt and a matching headband...it is super cute and it won't be long before I order a pair of their tech skirts I assure you. It amazes me what Leah designs!

When I first arrived to help, the expo was just closing, and there were still some runners milling about. Listening to them talk about the impending race set off the first twinges of longing in me. As we worked, the other two girls helping out were discussing their plans for their very early race morning, and those twinges became stronger. Overhearing the other vendors talk about the race set me off even further. By them time I had finished helping and was taking a walk through Downtown Disney, surrounded by hundreds of people, many of whom were wearing their Tinkerbell Half shirts and fervently discussing their race plans for the next morning, I had reached the point where my mind was finally screaming at me "Why aren't you doing this race?!" And while I knew that the basic answer was that at the time of registration, we couldn't afford to commit to the whole thing and couldn't come up with the money right then, what I figured my mind was really trying to ask was "Why aren't you participating in this thing that you really want to be a part of, that makes you really happy, and that you are longing to do?" Overall, I had the feeling that these races are something I want to be a part of, to work in, to run, to belong to.

As you may remember, my only first half-marathon was the Disneyland Half-Marathon in 2011. It was emotional from the time I picked up my race packet, and was completely one of those things I look back on with an "I can't believe I did that" thought. It was also something that made me so incredibly happy, that made me feel like I belonged to something special, and also that made me proud of myself. I've wanted to sign up again ever since, but haven't been able to commit the money not only for the race entry, but for gas and accommodations and food. But guess what? I live here now. I am 40 minutes away from the theme parks and the race, meaning that at most I'd need one night in a hotel room, if any at all. If I can get the race money together, I'm golden.

Well, that registration opened today for the race in September. And I have been intent on registering, and also registering my hubby if I can finagle it. We do our taxes early, and some of that money was earmarked for this race. So imagine my dismay when registration opened this morning and the race is already 75% sold out. EDIT: In the time I wrote this post that number jumped to 80%. What? That hasn't happened the past few years I've been watching registration. So the time I thought I had to get my money together? Non-existent. Hubby tells me that we are scraping together the money for my registration right now and getting me signed up. Great, right? Except that now I am doubting. I wanted to run it with someone. With him, really. I did it all on my lonesome last time, and watching all the other people running with their family/friends/running groups made me wistful for that kind of experience. So now the question is, do I do it on my own again, which I know I really will enjoy anyway and I will be doing the thing that I know will make me so happy, albeit alone, or forego it and wait until we can (hopefully) sign up for the next one together? (Although the hubby is being adamant and I may not actually have a choice - he wants me to run it.) I honestly don't know what to choose.

SECOND EDIT: I ended up signing my husband and I up for the 5k instead. This way, we still get to be a part of the weekend, get to run through Disneyland, and we get to do it together. Plus, it is way more affordable, and right now that is important as we are trying to establish ourselves down here in Southern California. We plan on living here for at least a few years, so there will be more opportunities to run the half. I am already thinking I will start saving now to sign up for the next Tinkerbell half, for which registration opens in the fall. I just had to get over feeling like I'm not part of the "cool group" at the expo if I'm not running the half and am only doing the 5k. Personal issues - wanting to belong and feeling like I don't. But the hubby and I are both huge Disneyland fanatics, and the experience of running his first Disney race with him will be amazing, whatever the distance. 

Spin Cycle

As I was in my second ever spin class tonight, amongst the thin and beautiful girls who made it look so easy, as I was huffing and puffing and forcing myself, and feeling ugly and fat and like the thing that didn't belong there, like my butt was too big and the person behind me must hate that they got stuck there, and that I was not as good as anyone else and I was a loser, one mantra kept going through my head:

"I'm going to keep spinning until the voices in my head are silenced."

New Life

So much has happened since I blogged the last time that it is hard to know where to begin. I imagine it will take a while to catch up, so I will just start with the basics. Last post, I talked about trying to move to Southern California. Well, it was a struggle with a capital S, but we finally managed to do it. It meant spending 3 months with my hubby apart from us, and a lot of work and help and prayer, but I'm typing this from my couch in my living room in Monrovia, Ca. So much has happened since September of 2012, and I feel I have changed in ways I didn't expect. Life is far from settled, and we are still struggling and transitioning, but we are making it happen one day at a time. This will be a short post, with hopefully more to come later as I get back into the swing of blogging, but I want to share some new things in my life this week:

Spin Class - um, I love it. Or at least I loved my first day of it. It was hard, but it was great. And oh yeah, my butt is sore from that seat!

Job - I've been a stay at home mom for a long time, with part time jobs sprinkled in here and there. But there is no way we can live down here without me earning at least a little money. This week I met the 97 year old grandmother of a man I go to church with, and she needs someone to help her for four hours a day 2 days a week, driving her places, helping her with her genealogy, and other things. Honestly, if she wasn't losing her eyesight she could do it all on her own - she is pretty amazing for a 97 year old! Anyway, I will be helping Helen on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-1 while my kids are in school. I may need more work, but for now this is a starting point.

Body X Sculpt - another class at the gym that I signed up for here in my town. Started it this morning, and liked it. It is a strength/circuit kind of class.

Coconut milk - put it in my smoothie this morning - holy crap its delicious!!! Unsweetened, so it doesn't have a lot of calories. Yum.

Oh, and my favorite new thing is coming at the end of the week - I am going to help tear down the booth for Sparkle Skirts at the Tinkerbell Half Marathon Expo at the Disneyland Hotel on Saturday. For every hour I help, I get $25 in merch credit. Don't tell them, but I probably would have done it for free ;) Since I couldn't sign up to run this race, I am happy to just be near the action.

So good new things happening all around. I will leave you with a picture from our recent trip to the beach. It is about 45 minutes from our house, and we took the kids before they went back to school after winter break/moving. Um, it's January! Amazing!

Changing my life

I'm coming to you today from a Starbucks in Pomona California, 418 miles from my home in Sacramento. The hubby and I are deep in the process of trying to change our lives, our future, and that of our four children. And let me tell you, it has been rough going. Hubby was accepted to Cal Poly Pomona, which has a bachelor's degree in hospitality management, specifically restaurants and hotels. He is currently the manager of a restaurant back home, but is somewhat stuck where he is no matter where he goes unless he gets a degree. His acceptance to this high rated program came while he was lying in a hospital bed two days after his heart surgery, and we've been working to make it happen ever since. This program can lead to his dream, and to a better life for our children, one in which we aren't always struggling for money and the answer isn't always "no." Today he is at orientation and I am seeking housing, and in this area finding something we can afford that can house 6 people is nearly impossible. I am trying to trust that there is a plan for my family, and that if I make my best effort it will work out...but it is so hard. Did you know there is a law in California that you can't have more than 5 people in a two bedroom apartment? How ridiculous is it that the state can tell me I can't squeeze my four kids into one room? Argh. I've been consumed by the stress of this endeavor for months now, which in part is why I've been so quiet around here. I am a worrier, I have fear and I succumb to it easily...my husband is the staunchly faithful one who believes that it will all work out. It has been a difficult few months, and we are coming down to the wire and still seeking employment and a home. We can live simply, we can struggle for a purpose, we can make anything work. Someone just has to take a chance on us. Now I'll fold up my computer and vacate my table at the local Starbucks I found (aren't they all local - they are everywhere!) and head out to make phone calls and try to find a way. Changing your life isn't easy.

Short and sweet

Been MIA for awhile. Having some trouble finding my blogging groove again. But I'm still working on eating healthy and working out. I just finished my second workout of the day - 40 minutes on the stair machine at the gym. Everything is wet and sweaty, and it feels good.

Happenings

I've been absent for over a month now, and keep meaning to come back but haven't made it. We've been busy dealing with Hubby's recovery from heart surgery, and then just as he was really starting to get over the hump and feel a bit like his old self again, my oldest daughter was admitted to the hospital for three days. She has type 1 diabetes, and had gotten sick, with vomiting, which with diabetes is never simple. She ended up extremely dehydrated with really high blood sugar (you know it's bad when the hospital meter can't read the number!) and tons of ketones. Nothing scary really, just an immediate need to be on iv fluids and insulin. Got her home, and almost a week went by before her younger sister got angry with her and slammed the bedroom door, right on Anna's thumb. Nearly completely took off the nail (it will be falling off soon) and fractured the tip. It wouldn't stop bleeding, so 4 hours in the ER later (it was 10 at night before we got her over there) she came home with stitches and a splint. And a zombie thumb. Soon I believe they will dedicate a wing of that hospital to us. (It's bad when you have a nurse and you think "yeah, we had you two years ago when she was first admitted, and I didn't like you then either.) At any rate, we are just pushing along. Good things happen too - I joined a super cheap gym and am enjoying working my butt off in the mornings. There are all sorts of things to talk about, I just have trouble finding the time and the calm to do it. But I'll try to be back soon, and with more regularity, if there is anyone still reading! And just for fun, here is the zombie thumb, 2 days post-trauma and looking WAY better than it did.